Oge: eze nwanyị

I have two prayers I say every morning. The first asking to guide my steps and the second to clear the table for anything that does not serve me, them, or my purpose. The funny thing about this second prayer is that sometimes things are cleared but circle back around. I’m currently experiencing the circle back around and it feels…

When the offer came I outright rejected it (in my head!)— assuming if it didn’t work out in the past why should it work now. Well, my gut kicked in (I listened and said yes) and I’m starting work in vaccine development in less than one week. I am excited and a tiny bit intimidated. The air has changed and I am ready to serve.

But this was not the point of the post (perhaps it’ll tie in later, we shall see).

Now to the point of the post. I am in Utah. This wasn’t exactly planned but it felt right so I charted my entire expedition 1 week prior to flying out. Everything fell right into… my first prayer. My intention was to get away (cue Oxlade “Away”) and do a quick mental reset before starting my new job.

But before this turns into an outright diary entry let me just summarize my experience in Utah. This was my first solo trip. Quick back story: I was born in the US, my mom moved back to Nigeria to have my younger brother and we lived there for a while. I was a wild child there according to relatives’ accounts (biko, I was merely in my element). When we moved back to the US and I started kindergarten (I missed preschool because we were abroad), I experienced extreme shyness. PAINFULLY shy. This did not go away until I started my doctorate program at an HBCU. I don’t know exactly what it was but I began to wake up to myself.

Now being a reformed shy kid, the notion of a solo trip was not an option many moons ago. But here I am…

The intention to get away (lowkey from myself) circled back around and I’ve just experienced how far I can push myself. I have done 5 major trails in 3 days with 1 day left. I am so grateful and after so much reflection…I am reminding myself that all of my critiques of myself (and others!) should be met with compassion. Yes, I’m not patient, dislike asking others for anything, and have extremely high standards for myself— but I will never let those qualities shadow the good I offer to this world. I (despite all of my achievements, failures, and accolades) am enough. Zion National Park (and shoutout to Bryce National Park’s Hoodoo trails!) feels literally perfect. If the same creator made those and made me and you… well, then you and I are enough and perfectly designed to serve in his perfect image. Okayyyyy!